I originally stated my blogs would temporarily be about
local venues and events. But something happened to me last week that compelled me to write about something a little
more meaningful. A good friend of mine stopped by to visit and share a decision she'd recently made.(We'll call
her Dametia.)
Dametia
and I have been friends for about 9 years. We've laughed, cried, grieved and supported each other through the beginning
and ending of marriages, careers, boyfriends, and the changing of dreams. There are subjects however, we avoid.
Last Wednesday, we began discussing one of them, domestic and sexual violence. She started off by telling me she
had decided to write a book about her personal experiences with it. I was so proud of her and in awe of her strength and courage.
Though I've penned poems touching on this very subject, I've yet to find the desire to "own" my story.
In my effort to offer my support and encouragement, I began to share my narrative with her.
I hadn't realized how deeply rooted in my psyche my pain was or how desperately I needed
to get it out.
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold
story inside you." -Maya Angelou
We are aware that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
It always takes the forefront on talk shows, commercials and even with me. But October is also Domestic Violence
Awareness Month. I had become so obsessed with turning 40 and having my first mammogram, that I almost let it slip away.
Domestic and sexual violence against women and children
is a community problem that shouldn’t be overlooked. Studies by the Journal of the American Medical
Association have shown that women who’ve been abused physically or sexually as children, had more extreme stress responses
than women who hadn’t. Researchers also believe that early trauma causes subtle changes in the brain
function that account for symptoms of depression and anxiety. More often than not, women are
the primary care takers and providers for a lot of today’s families. This fact alone makes this problem
crucial in resolving.
As a black woman
I often felt ashamed to admit to either of these shadows in my past, giving them more power. I've spent many years
of my adult life, trying to forget. So many, that I've missed opportunities to inspire and promote change.
Real change, not just some links on my website and monthly donations to the shelter, but to truly put into practice what
I preach. After finding out another dear friend was enduring the same atrocity in silence because she feared being
judged by her peers as weak minded and powerless was enough for me to “break the silence”.
The late Rev. SP Parks used to say when you point a finger at someone else,
there's always at least one, pointing back at you.
In talking with Dametia , one thing became clear to both
of us, we are in need of healing. The book is her step toward change. This morning I asked myself, what was mine going to
be? An e-mail from a friend of mine gave me the answer I needed. (Thanks Carl.)
I've decided to get involved with my causes anyway that I can and take the steps
toward my own recovery.
As empowered women, we need to assist in the prevention of women
tearing each other down and judging each other so harshly; and teach them how to empower themselves as well as each other.
One of my life’s ambitions is to eradicate the shame that is attached to depression and sexual and domestic violence
by giving women and children a voice.
This is the first blog in a series of blogs I will be posting addressing these issues. I will also include
resources and skills that you or someone else, can use to shatter the cycle and live free.
I don't know how it will end, but at least it's a start.
JL-Mo'Kha
